The story that you tell in the kitchen
Keywords: authentic leadership, leadership trust, walking the talk and leading by example.
I recently worked with a leader, Bob (not his real name) who was a CEO implementing a change. He had this amazing ability to speak about what he wanted for the team and organisation and a compelling vision for the future. In the whole of organisation briefings he was brilliant and inspirational - definitely the kind of leader you want to follow.
But outside of these forums, the challenges of the role were getting to him. Bob would say things informally to his trusted team members "I don't think this is the job for me", "I'm not sure we can do all this". Not publicly or in the large forums - but in 1-1 conversations. He said it to me. He said it to peers in other organisations, and he said it to people in his team. He said it in the kitchen.
So imagine Bob's surprise that the team didn't seem to be 100% committed to what they were delivering. He had done all the right things: he had created an inspiring vision for the change, he had spoken compellingly at the organisation briefings. He didn't understand what had gone wrong! But realistically, why would the team be committed to the challenge if the leader isn't?
Your team isn't listening to what you say in public - they're checking it matches what you say in private. The things you really think are often apparent to everyone no matter how much you try to hide it. So if you find yourself saying things to yourself, and to your trusted team (and in the kitchen) about the challenges you're facing, you can expect that everyone else knows too.
Unfortunately, as a leader, you're leading your team when you're in a formal briefing, in a team meeting, in the kitchen or at the pub. The things you say in any of those places are representative of who you are and what you believe.
To be a truly authentic leader, find a way that what you say in the kitchen matches what you say to your team: what the challenges are, and what your expectations are, and the role they can play in helping you.
“If knowledge is power, knowing what we don’t know is wisdom.”